I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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