That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
