So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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