sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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