planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
