The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
