I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
