walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
