just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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