Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize