Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
