A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize