I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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