Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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