somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
