can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
