Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
