I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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