So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
