Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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