Your dad touched me again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
