I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
