so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
