Don't you send me to vm
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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