yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
