I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
