I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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