Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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