i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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