i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
