im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
