Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
