if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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