He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
