I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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