census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
smell my finger.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
