she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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