So drunk its hurt
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
