You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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