that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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