I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
