I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
