Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
