why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
