Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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