he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
