Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
