you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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