Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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