I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize