Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
