i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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