that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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