You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
