I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
