I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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