I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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