just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
