she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
