you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
