her vagine was all disorganized.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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