Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
