She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
