So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
