It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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