i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
