It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
