And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
