She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
