i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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