The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
