guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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