I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
