On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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