Moan for me like Helen Keller
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
