I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
