I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize