I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
