Non-Jews are for practice
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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