What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
