babies were throwing up all over the place
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
