You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
