There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
