Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
