im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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