Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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