About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
