It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
