I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
