So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
God, I missed his penis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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