dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize